A brief update: As I write, it is 94 degrees in our house. The air conditioning system has been out for 3 days (thankfully one of Natalie's partners has let us stay in their home while our cats guard the place and melt.) Any inappropriate comments are clearly due to the heat. Because clearly I'm not that way otherwise.Dollywood.
It just rolls off the tongue like a canker sore. How did the world get blessed with Dollywood? The sordid history of how this only-slightly-more-talented-than-Charo singer had an amusement park named after her is summed up in wikipedia ...
"Dollywood is a theme park owned by country music singer Dolly Parton and the Herschand Family Entertainment Corporation. It is located in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
The park first opened in 1961 as a small tourist attraction named "Rebel Railroad", featuring a steam train, general store, blacksmith shop, and salloon. In 1966, Rebel Railroad was renamed "Goldrush Junction" and in 1970, the Cleveland Browns football team purchased the attraction. In 1976, Jack and Pete Herschend bought Goldrush Junction, and in 1977, renamed it "Silver Dollar City Tennessee" as a sister park to their original Silver Dollar City near Branson, Missouri. In Dolly Parton became a co-owner and the park was renamed "Dollywood".
First, I'd like to point out that the Cleveland Browns have never won a championship since they invested in what is now Dollywood. Serves them right.Second, I'd like to also point out that Dollywood wasn't as scary as I'd imagined. Of course, I imagined a hayseed filled group of first cousins with mutated children milling about with neither teeth nor shoes, asking questions like, "Dad look at the squirrel in the park. You want me to shoot that varmint for dinner?" (Do people other than Yosemite Sam call things varmints?)
So my expectations were pretty low. Still, I had to chuckle when an announcer introduced one of the acts as "another one of Dolly's cousins" and wondered if she ever kissed him full on the mouth. And then there were some entertaining shops that sold t-shirts ...
I guess someone thought that it would be a cool idea to take advertising slogans and make Jesus puns out of them. I'm imagining the guy running the small business plan by a bank loan officer ...
"You see, I'm gonna make me some cheap and tacky carnival shirts, but my angle is to make 'em cheap and tacky with references to Jesus! And then I'll sell 'em in Dollywood at a shop 'where wisdom is found'."
A casual blend of advertising and bible thumping. Love the Mountain Dew rip off ...Now, anyone I know would tell that person to sleep off their 0.37 blood alcohol content and return when they're sober to laugh at how drunk they were. In Pigeon Force, these ideas are met with enthusiasm. "Damn, Cletus. Can I git me in on that? Oh. And do you wanna go git some pancakes and then and shoot something?" So there's a shop selling this, mostly in XXXXL sizes.
But Anderson - surrounded by people who spell at his level - had a great time. He was met by a likely child molester dressed as Madeline and posed with yet another likely child molester dressed as some rabbit that I'm supposed to know. I guess I should read more children's books.
Anderson thinking, "Quit touching my bottom."
Here's a rabbit inappropriately touching Anderson with a dirty old man watching on.
Anderson also rode the carousel with Natalie holding onto him. As you can see, he's not thrilled.
Overall, it was pretty entertaining. Disneyland for hillbillies who buy Jeff Foxworthy t shirts. Other highlights included a couple who asked us to take a picture and said all we had to do was "mash down the little button once, then mash it agin'." Multiple church groups, all wearing their special church t-shirt. Lots of youngish big people in electric wheelchairs.
Next ... the wedding ...
