Step it up, Americans!

Sorry it's been a while since the last post, but it's difficult to write while suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Not that I need to explain the grieving process to you, as you all know by now of George Clooney's motorcycle accident in which he (gasp!) broke a rib. Supposedly Clooney was attempting to pass on the right when the car in front of him turned to the right, causing the accident. I don't know who was driving that car, but I'm in favor of immediate decapitation.


Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'd like to encourage you to be better Americans. A new study shows that fewer than half of American adults read literature during a year. "This report documents a national crisis," said National Endowment for the Arts chairman Dana Gioia. Crisis? This is pathetic. Clearly this country is going to hell in a hand basket.


It's not that hard, people. Just yesterday I read 4 works of literature, for God's sake. Some of them, including The Very Hungry Caterpillar, I read more than once. A classic, written by Eric Carle in 1969, The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a page turner that tugs at your emotions. You start with a little egg on a leaf, basking in moon glow. Then - out of frickin' nowhere - the sun comes up and a tiny little caterpillar pops out of the egg! But the dude is hungry. An apple doesn't satisfy him, nor do 2 pears. 3 plums, 4 strawberries and 5 oranges don't cut it either. I mean, this dude eats more than the contestants on "The Biggest Loser" when the show ends! Finally, he's full after pounding down some chocolate cake, an ice cream cone, a pickle (I know ... you're thinking he's knocked up, but that's not the case.) Swiss cheese, salami, a lollipop, cherry pie sausage a cupcake and a slice of watermelon.


You think, "This can't get any more convoluted!" and that the next day it'll get back to a normal plot and he'll eat the country of Brazil and it'll end with the Earth melting because of deforestation, while Al Gore rides a horse near The Statue of Liberty yelling, "You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!" because that's how these books always end.

All because of this one damn hungry and selfish caterpillar.

But that's when you get thrown another curveball. The next day, all he does is eats a single green leaf ... and then he goes into hiding (presumably because he didn't pay his enormous food bill) and doesn't eat for 2 whole weeks. Just when you think he's going to be on the next episode of America's Most Wanted, the dude must get eaten by a big, mean butterfly. I don't know where that came from, and I'm not sure why it ends there, but that's the beauty of literature.



So go forth and read, people. And if anyone can explain that whole butterfly thing, quit your job and start your PhD dissertation, because the world needs to know.


Here's more Munchkin stuff ...