Chubster!

Greetings.

Throughout Anderson's short-filled life, Natalie and I have had nicknames for him. I believe "Munchkin" started the trend, followed by the short, cute form of "Munchie". This technique is similar to the adding of "Y" to the end of names that is popular with 3-year olds and Southern stock car drivers. Natalie calls him "Mr. Man" on occasion and I'm more frequently calling him "Grumpy".

A new nickname has surfaced. Recently, Anderson has developed the eating habits of most frequenters of Dunkin Donuts, as he just doesn't seem to ever get enough. Bottle feedings of pumped breast milk entertains beyond belief. Well ... maybe more so for me as I'm a new parent. First, he grunts like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee when he's hungry, which is just about anytime that he's not sleeping. When the bottle is taken away to burp him, Anderson scowls and looks at you like he's "The Gooch" from "Different Strokes".

2 legends. Like Redford and Hoffman, it just doesn't get any better than this.



There just aren't enough Different Strokes references in the world, are there?

The end result of this is that Anderson has just weighed in at 9 pounds. This is a gain of over 1 pound in a week. Hence the new nickname, "Chubster". Nothing like giving as kid a complex early in life, eh? Here's hoping that these pictures of Chubster fit into your computer window ...

Sold! In a Horrible Real Estate Market, Some Good News ...

We are no longer paying a mortgage. Thank God.

The quest to sell our home is finally over. Some wonderful suckers ... er... people ... have purchased our home essentially at its asking price. Not that our home is a bad home. And not that it was overpriced (although you could argue that it was given the current market. It appraised for $300,000 with an asking/selling price of $330,000 ... but that was a pretty unreasonable appraisal in my opinion. Our house was appraised essentially the same as next door neighbor's cesspool of a home, which was nicely updated. If you were stuck in 1979.) In fact, it's quite nice and has been upgraded considerably since we bought it a little over 2 years ago. But the market has collapsed throughout the country (except in Austin) and many people can't get rid of their places without taking a big financial hit.

We'll miss the place, however. Natalie and I remember taking walks/runs along the shores of Lake Champlain and relaxing the living room in front of the fireplace. We fondly recall our cats hacking up hairballs on a new off-white carpet. And we remember the joy of having no kitchen for over 2 months while renovating. Lots of great memories of eating with plastic and not being able to wash dishes.

Maybe all of the memories weren't so good.

We'll be using the profit to pay off my private student loans as well as to buy Natalie a new car. Natalie would like a stylish, sporty Honda Acura sedan. Something, she claims, that would be good for Anderson. Hmm ... picture Anderson in this:



I'm also looking out for Anderson. I'm thinking that Munchkin will do well with the ladies in an Acura, but he might be able to do a little better in this:




Finally, we had our friends Matt, June and Rivers visit from Houston. Matt wussed out of a run, blaming his age, the heat and a dog who ate his homework. He did recover enough to take a picture with Anderson, Natalie, Rivers and June. They are good people. Unlike Matt. (For those of you who don't know Matt, he's the old guy in the picture.)



More Anderson photos to come with the next blog as Natalie has the camera ...

Marcel Marceau Dies?

Or is he just miming? Who can tell? What were his last words?

Step it up, Americans!

Sorry it's been a while since the last post, but it's difficult to write while suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Not that I need to explain the grieving process to you, as you all know by now of George Clooney's motorcycle accident in which he (gasp!) broke a rib. Supposedly Clooney was attempting to pass on the right when the car in front of him turned to the right, causing the accident. I don't know who was driving that car, but I'm in favor of immediate decapitation.


Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'd like to encourage you to be better Americans. A new study shows that fewer than half of American adults read literature during a year. "This report documents a national crisis," said National Endowment for the Arts chairman Dana Gioia. Crisis? This is pathetic. Clearly this country is going to hell in a hand basket.


It's not that hard, people. Just yesterday I read 4 works of literature, for God's sake. Some of them, including The Very Hungry Caterpillar, I read more than once. A classic, written by Eric Carle in 1969, The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a page turner that tugs at your emotions. You start with a little egg on a leaf, basking in moon glow. Then - out of frickin' nowhere - the sun comes up and a tiny little caterpillar pops out of the egg! But the dude is hungry. An apple doesn't satisfy him, nor do 2 pears. 3 plums, 4 strawberries and 5 oranges don't cut it either. I mean, this dude eats more than the contestants on "The Biggest Loser" when the show ends! Finally, he's full after pounding down some chocolate cake, an ice cream cone, a pickle (I know ... you're thinking he's knocked up, but that's not the case.) Swiss cheese, salami, a lollipop, cherry pie sausage a cupcake and a slice of watermelon.


You think, "This can't get any more convoluted!" and that the next day it'll get back to a normal plot and he'll eat the country of Brazil and it'll end with the Earth melting because of deforestation, while Al Gore rides a horse near The Statue of Liberty yelling, "You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!" because that's how these books always end.

All because of this one damn hungry and selfish caterpillar.

But that's when you get thrown another curveball. The next day, all he does is eats a single green leaf ... and then he goes into hiding (presumably because he didn't pay his enormous food bill) and doesn't eat for 2 whole weeks. Just when you think he's going to be on the next episode of America's Most Wanted, the dude must get eaten by a big, mean butterfly. I don't know where that came from, and I'm not sure why it ends there, but that's the beauty of literature.



So go forth and read, people. And if anyone can explain that whole butterfly thing, quit your job and start your PhD dissertation, because the world needs to know.


Here's more Munchkin stuff ...

Munckin - Now a big John Kerry fan

Greetings from Austin.

This morning Munchkin and I were watching CNN, as Munchkin has a keen awareness of the political landscape. I know this because while Anderson was watching President Bush try to justify the "surge" and the war he passed judgement by letting out an enormous bowel movement.

While doing late night Munchkin duty, I have grown accustomed to the late night CNN reruns. Last night "Hardline with Chris Matthews" asked whether - from this point forward - American soldiers in Iraq were "dying in vain." This, I believe, is a cop-out. I'm not sure why you have to put the qualifier of "front this point forward" in front of the phrase, other than to avoid bruising egos of people who have lost family members. The Merriam-Webster dictionary has the following definition:

in vain - to no end : without success or result

By this definition, it seems like thousands of soldiers will have died in vain. There seems to be no way that anything other than this can occur. Even if Iraq completely changes and becomes a democracy, was it worth thousands of American lives? Even one? But ... there are few phrases as emotionally loaded as "die in vain", and though the origin seems to be biblical, the most significant American tie is to The Civil War. From The Gettysburg Address, Abraham Lincoln said:

"It is rather for us the living, we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain."

Perhaps rather than "died in vain", we should use the word "needlessly". I would be curious to know poll results of whether Americans feel that their soldiers had "died in vain" or whether they died "needlessly". I suspect the percentage saying the latter has happened would be much higher.

Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent. What I was trying to get to was video of Andrew Meyer, a University of Florida student who asked John Kerry questions at a public speech. When Mr. Meyer, a 21-year-old college student, had asked his questions and used up his allotted time, he refused to leave the podium when asked to leave. He then was escorted from the microphone by security and asks, "What did I do?" Since the security team must have been hired from the former LAPD cops who "secured" Rodney King, this was shortly followed by Mr. Meyer saying, "Don't tase me, Bro". Guess what happened? One Florida Gator ... tased. Some stories are so good that you just can't make them up.

This, my friends, is about 3 years too late. Imagine what would have happened if Kerry did this during the 2004 election campaign? Imagine if he said, "Officer, Mr. Meyer is still conscious. Please crank up the power a little bit and tase him again. Does anybody else have any other questions?" The South would have voted overwhelmingly Democratic. Here in Texas, he would have won the Taser bloc, which usually helps candidates carry the state. Not only would this be a man who would be perceived as being tough on terrorists, but every NRA member would have looked at him and said "that's our guy" and we'd be waiting for President Kerry's reelection campaign.

I jabber a lot.

Here's another picture of Munchkin ...

No News is Good News

Greetings from Austin, where the austin City Limits music fest has just concluded. The headliner this year was Bob Dylan, who supposedly is *not* dead. Funny, looking at a recent picture I could have sworn he was. Next thing people will tell me is that Keith Richards is alive as well ...

For your update, Anderson didn't get arrested for armed robbery over the weekend, putting him one up on OJ Simpson. He did, however, help destroy the environment by going through an incalculable number of diapers. Which is worse? Hard to tell.

Anderson's weight was up at the pediatrician's visit on Friday and he eats a ton, so we're happy. Currently I'm on "night duty" again and both Natalie and Anderson are sleeping.

Natalie and I took Anderson to TGI Friday's tonight on a whim. We took our first walk with the stroller and he slept through the entire walk and meal. Our waitress was named "Cinnamon" and had, as you might guess, a tongue ring. I give her credit for not having visible tattoos or dancing on the poles on the way to serve our food. Assuming Cinnamon is her given - and not stage - name, the poor girl never had a chance. Of course, I expressed none of these thoughts during our meal as Natalie chastised me whenI opined on our waitress's fresh tattoo while dining with her and friends in Burlington. Somehow she didn't like my thought that a visible tattoo says "Please don't employ me for anything more than manual labor."

Random thoughts ...

There was an airline crash in Phuket, Thailand on a budget carrier called One-Two-GO airlines. Sure, they may not a great safety record, but those airlines sure have catchy names. Natalie and I actually flew on one of these carriers and had a great experience. We had great food and service, which you really don't get on US carriers. That being said, we didn't get engulfed in flames.

We've made reservations to see my dad in Florida and Natalie's family in Georgia in early/mid-October. There's nothing worse then travelling through Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta (other than travelling to Phuket on One-Two-GO) when it's busy. This will be an opportunity to show off Munchkin to the family. I'd say it'd be an opportunity to rest as well, but I suspect that Anderson will keep that from happening too much.

So here's an obligatory picture. He, uh ... looks about the same. I tried to catch him while he was "smiling", which is essentially every time he moves his bowels or passes gas.

Compare this to the picture below. Strikingly similar? You be the judge ...

Taking Revenge on the Airlines

Munchkin pondering ... "Should I scream now or later?"

It's been a bad summer for the airlines. Sure, there were no major crashes that I remember except for Steve Fossett, who I still believe has staged an Eddie and The Cruisers style disappearance, but that's beside the point. Still ... flight delays are so bad that there's supposedly a movement to "shut down" the airlines until it's improved. Also, airport security still makes you disrobe like a dancer at a gentleman's club and forces you to remove your shoes and walk through a bacterial congregation of thousands of peoples foot germs. (Just think ... the "Shoe Bomber" has changed the way Americans live their lives. Good one.)

Thankfully, the TSA quickly wised up after 5 years and you can now take a nail file onto a plane. Clearly they've installed a 5 billion dollar anti-nail file device, likely produced by Halliburton. But you still cannot take a standard butter knife, although they give you one during some flights. At least I think they do. Do airlines feed you anymore?

Clearly consumers need to rise up in protest.

I have a plan.

Natalie, Anderson and I are now planning our first flight together. As you might recall, Anderson has the scream of a heavy metal lead singer. This has not significantly changed since my last posts and I'm sure our apartment neighbors are plotting our deaths. But to unleash him on the airline industry? That would put an enormous smile on my face.

Picture Anderson - wallowing in the poop-filled diaper that I refused to change - going through security. I'm planning on putting a little piece of metal into his diaper just so they have to open it. Then when he gets on board and the pressurization isn't to his liking? Well, let me tell you passengers in first class will get it just as bad as their coach counterparts. And we really haven't learned how to quiet him down yet. There will be no relenting and no remorse.

" Aye ... fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

- Braveheart

Ah ... revenge is a dish best served cold.

Here are some pictures ...

Back Home Again

In the immortal words of John Denver, "Hey, it's good to be back home again!"

Munchkin (who now has a name ... more later) fed well and gained weight overnight, which made the pediatrician comfortable in discharging him home. Thankfully this pediatrician actually examined Munchkin and talked to us. We like her. She didn't make me want to compare her bedside manner to that of vegetable matter, which is good.

I wonder how many people have said that about me?

After renting a hospital grade breast pump and filling out a lot of paperwork, we finally made our way home and Natalie took a long nap. Munchkin met our cats (one of which appears to enjoy breast milk and eats pacifiers) and quickly settled in. It appears he loves car rides and the car seat, as he slept for 3 hours straight. His screaming has improved and I will be teaching him heavy metal lyrics in the form of "bedtime stories." Maybe Natalie shouldn't know this ...

Back to the name. So in the last post, you could probably tell that we had a lot of avoidance about the name process and didn't want to make a decision until we had to. We realized last evening that Nicholas, while a good name, was not in our top two. Too popular. Didn't really grab us. So we were down to Anderson and Theodore. Last night Theodore was the front runner, with Natalie partial to "Theo" and "Teddy" as nicknames. Not Ted. Definitely not Ted, as that reminded me of an airline and a serial killer. Somehow also of chicken feces, though I'm not sure why. But Anderson was our favorite name before we went to the hospital, and Natalie wanted to get some sleep before making her final decision.

This morning, I walked into the room and Natalie was feeling great. We soon discussed the names and made a decision. Rainier would be the middle name. Named partially after Mt. Rainier (and Prince Rainier, who I'm sure was a swell guy) it just seemed right. Actually, there was general agreement on this well before going to the hospital.

That's what we call a spoiler. Feel the suspense building?

We did decide on a first name, finally. Theodore was the first name of Ted "Theodore" Logan, of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", a movie which showed the breadth of Keanu Reeves acting ability. Yes, if our child was named Theodore he would be forever linked to Keanu Reeves. A serial killer is fine, but Keanu?

Above: Candid shot of The Antichrist

So we welcomed Anderson Rainier Fought home today ... our apologies to any people unfortunately linked to the aforementioned Mr. Reeves ...

Here are some more pictures ...

Naming Idol

This was posted by me on Natalie's less sarcastic blogsite ... http://littlefought.blogspot.com. I'm just too lazy to substantially change it ...


Hi. Jason substitute blogging for Natalie. I believe substitute blogger is only slightly more glamorous than the "fry guy" at McDonald's, but sometimes you have to help out a loved one in need.

In general, everything is going well. There is a slight problem with Munchkin losing too much weight, so the pediatrician wants him to stay overnight. This is a pediatrician who didn't see our child, who's covering for the other on-call pediatrician who didn't even examine our child. He also had the bedside manner of a turnip.


Otherwise, both he and Mom healthy (but very sleepy.) Olga (Natalie's Mom) and I are taking shifts staying with Natalie to help her out. Remarkably, after having a c-section Natalie is moving around quite well (and consuming many KitKat bars.)

Here's a picture that was taken near birth, but is fairly representative of the last 3 days and especially last night, minus the full frontal nudity fashion look.

So, why still "Munchkin" and not a regular name? Well ... we've given it a good amount of thought, but those of you who know Natalie well know that she takes a while to make decisions. This is painfully obvious when we write emails together ... even short 2 sentence emails are reviewed again and again for accuracy and tone. But back to the point. Our approach to naming our child was to dutifully go through a name book of 45,000 names, most of which you wouldn't use to name your parakeet. Still, we wanted to see what would grab our imaginations and didn't want to discard any names too quickly. Actually, a few names were suggested ("Elvis", Beelzebub" and William Robert i.e. "Billy Bob") by one of the parents and were met with immediate and indignant rejection by the other. After going through the list, these are the names that made the first cut:

Anderson
Bryson
Donovan
Emerson
Erickson
Garrison
Hamilton
Jackson
Jansen
Jorgen
Julian
Kenyon
Landon
Laurens
Mason
Matias
Maxfield
Nathaniel
Nicholas
Nolan
Orion
Patrick
Paxton
Pierson
Percival
Preston
Rainier
Ramsey
Rayden
Riley
Riordan
Rockwell
Rodin
Rowen
Sebastian
Sawyer
Sumner

Note that the names stop at "S" (we got too tired to continue with the awful name book) and that there are a lot of "R" names, most of which were being considered as middle names. I *am* concerned that there are so many names ending with "son", and I'm going to be pretty suspicious if anyone name Ander, Bry, Emer, Erick, Garri, or Jack start hanging around the house. Also note that we must have been quite fatigued, as "Orion", "Rockwell", "Maxfield" and "Percival" made the list. I remember going through the name book and hearing one of us saying, "Why not? Put it on the list." So we had this list going in. But clearly it was a long list and needed to be shortened.

After the first cut, this is what remained for potential first names ...

Anderson
Erickson
Hamilton
Jackson
Julian
Kenyon
Landon
Matias
Nathaniel
Nicholas
Riordan
Sebastian

Do you see what's happening? We're choosing our child much like it is done on "American Idol". Damn that insidious reality TV!! Sure, we had our William Hung's like "Maxfield" and "Percival" that were quickly and easily dismissed. But then it got harder.

First, we continued through the rest of the name book (T-Z) and added Theodore to the list at Natalie's suggestion. I suspect this was the pain medications talking, as we only know 3 Theodores (Teddy Roosevelt, our friend "Ted" from Albuquerque, and the overweight chipmunk with "Alvin and the Chipmunks") So we reduced the names further. Matias was too Germanic. Riordan was too weird ... who names their kid "Riordan"? Kenyon was too pitchy ... oops, stumbled back into the American Idol analogy. Anyway, these are the names that survived the next cut ...

Anderson

Erickson

Hamilton

Jackson

Julian

Landon

Nathaniel

Nicholas

Sebastian

Natalie then took more pain medication and I pushed her further, knowing her decision-making defenses were down. She shamefully confessed that her favorite cartoon growing up was indeed "Alvin and The Chipmunks". And we narrowed the list further, deciding that Kenyon, Sebastian, Julian and Landon had to go. Names reminiscent of "Little House on the Prairie" stars only increased the risk that our boy will be beat up at recess on a daily basis. So this is what we were left with ...

Anderson

Jackson

Nathaniel

Nicholas

Theodore

At this point we checked the trends of baby names over the years, which is located on a government site based on social security numbers. Good to see our tax dollars going to good use. Anyway, Anderson was never in the top 1000 boys names. Jackson was the 36th most popular name in 2006 and is increasing in popularity. Nathaniel was #69 and essentially stable, while Nicholas was 17th and becoming slightly less popular. Theodore was 296th and last saw it's heyday in the early 20th century. And with The Chipmunks. But we had to get it down to 3, our "Name Idol" finalists. It was hard, but the final three are:

Anderson
Nicholas
Theodore

Natalie is sleep deprived and wants to wait until the morning to decide. Your thoughts/votes?

The Punisher

Since Munchkin's birth approximately 30 hours ago, Natalie and intensified our discussion about naming our child. You want to get this right, and we wanted to see Munchkin and get a sense for his personality prior to labeling him. For instance, if "Elvis Presly Fought" were our first choice for a name, we wanted to see if he looked and acted like an "Elvis". Regrettably, Natalie gave the thumbs down on "Elvis" early in the process. As she did to "William Robert (Billy Bob) Fought" and "Richard Cheney Fought." Go figure.

Last night, however, we were inspired. The baby books say that typically after being born, newborns take a couple of days to sleep and regroup. Recovery from becoming a land-based creature in a relatively harsh environment after swimming in warm, safe amniotic fluid takes some time, they say. Only after this adjustment period do you see your baby's true personality.

God help us.

Munchkin, now named "The Punisher" spent most of last night screaming and soiling himself well ahead of schedule. Our nurse said that in the first few days we should expect to change the diaper about twice a day, after which the changing will increase. "One wet and one dirty", she claimed. The Punisher went through at least 10 in the first 24 hours. Not only that, but here's how the night went starting at around 12:30 AM ...

"Wah!!!!!!!!!"

Dad gets up. Dad looks at diaper. Dad says "Wow. He pooped! That's the second time in his life!" Excitedly, he gets wet gauze (the hospital doesn't use baby wipes) and cleans the black poo. A baby's early poo is called "meconium" - if I recall, that's in the 4th row of the periodic table - and is black, tarry and has a magnetic attraction to his feet, knees and the entire bassinet once the diaper is off. With a little difficulty he achieves dry diaperdom and proudly returns to his cot. He lays down and tries to get comfortable, although the cot is designed such that a support bar juts into his lower back. After 3 minutes, he's comfortable.

"Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wah!!!!!!!!!"

Dad gets up. Dad looks at diaper again. "Wow. That's even more poop then the last time! No wonder babies lose weight in their first few days." Again, the diaper is changed and Munchkin is dry, cute and quiet. Back to the cot. The support bar jams into his back again, but being somewhat sleep deprived, he quickly starts to dose.

"Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Seriously, The Punisher continued to scream and poop for about an hour. Brutal. I changed the diaper over and over. Even when the pooping was over, the crying continued. Natalie, exhausted emotionally and physically after her C-section, looked over with concern. I was seriously doubting whether I was up to the task of being a father. Really. The Punisher hadn't slept much the whole day and here he was, crushing my morale.

Finally Natalie asked the nurse to take him to the newborn nursery for a couple of hours so we could both get some sleep. When he returned 2 hours later they reported that he "slept quietly the entire time." Glad he saved it for the nurses. They work hard and needed the break.

He's better today so far (and passed his hearing test), but night is approaching ...

Munchkin Arrives!

At 9:42 AM CST on September 5th, Munchkin (still unnamed) arrived onto the planet. 7 lbs, 8 oz and wow, does the kid have a set of pipes. Screams like a heavy metal rock star. And yes, Natalie was right. It's a boy! Baby, Mom and Dad are all doing well ... more later!

Enjoy the pictures ...

Insurance!!

It may seem strange that Natalie and I had no insurance until 3 days ago. Odd, but true. We had left our jobs in Vermont and subsequently lost our insurance. There's a program, however, that allows you to continue having insurance after you leave a job. Sounds great, right? Well ... it's called COBRA and it's so worthless that you might as well go without it. Which we did.
We were told we could retroactively apply for COBRA (it probably stands for something, but the image of a deadly, treacherous snake seems quite appropriate.) We could not actually purchase COBRA proactively, we were told. We're not sure why. I guess the government has their reasons. Like they don't know what the hell they're doing, for instance. Or maybe it was so incomprehensible that the person explaining it to us had no idea either.

Still, we're glad we didn't have to buy it as it was ridiculously expensive and would have given us mediocre coverage at best. It would have been roughly $1200/month and then would have a $1500 deductible. And then it only paid 70%. So we were, for a time, "self-pay", which means that every medical office that we dealt with wanted payment. Up front.
This became rather amusing. Doctors visits required payment for visits and ultrasounds even before determining whether we needed an ultrasound. We paid our OB bill in advance by credi card to receive a "20% discount". This was slightly less than $3000 and didn't include anesthesia, newborn care or the hospital stay. For 2 physicians this has been a great experience as we now see what lunacy some of our patients have to deal with. Insane.
Now we are less than 24 hours from having a boy or girl. This will be a relief as we still are trying to think of a name. Thankfully, we'll soon be able to throw out half of the list. My favorite name so far? "Suck Chin" - a Korean name for rock-like. There just aren't enough Suck Chins out there, I say.
Just over 21 hours to go ... I'll try to post photos of Suck Chin tomorrow afternoon ...